Fobby Mommy

If my Mum was an immigrant to the US, she’d be the biggest FOB you’ll ever know. I speak to her once in about 2-3 weeks usually over chat. Now there are times when her lack of technology-awareness saves my ass and times when it makes me pull my hair out. God alone knows the number of times I’ve forgotten to clear history before logging out after surfing the back alleys of the Internets. Now you might ask- why not set the browser to clear the cache/history each time it opens? Because my Mum would go crazy when she discovers that Google no longer shows up in her address bar’s drop down list. I’d be accused of breaking her computer, not knowing what I’m doing (YES! This after having two degrees in Computer Science), be this close to being disowned, disavowed and disinherited.

Now those times when I’m chatting with my Mum, I find it rather amusing to find her invent her own quirky dialect for the web. Its a hybrid between the IM acronyms and texting, with its own distinct flavor of fobbiness. Over the past 3 years, since I moved to the US, I’ve noticed how my Mum’s chat language has evolved. A peculiarity I must mention is her ability to drop random letters from words, and expect me to fully understand her acronyms. Bking htl rms, cking dnr, eatng out, rdng email, lkng gifts, byng tkts and prprng dnr.

Indian parents also have a rather strange habit of dropping nouns, verbs and articles from sentences as they please. Not to mention asking the most random questions ever. My darling mother is no exception.

(My Google Talk status message is set to a sad smiley) Mum: Agni, what is that mess.? Change it. It looks like a sad face.

Mum: Don’t take too much coffee. I have heard too much cocaine is not good.

Mum: Hi Agni. Me: Hi. Mum: Where are you? Are you home? Me: Umm.. yeah?

Mum: Hi Agni. Are you thr? Me: (Not responding because I don’t want to talk) Mum: Helllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Mum: Can you cum on mic? She means login on Skype.

Mum: My cellphone you send is gsm as well as cdma compatible? Me: I don’t know. Mum: Ok. It is written WCDMA.

Mum: something happened in our comp….skype icon has vanished!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Having said all of that, I must add that my Mum makes the meanest Biryani and Butter Chicken in all of the Indian Subcontinent. Regardless of how fobby she is, I love her.