It’s interesting how many of my recent blog entries have been sourced from emails I’ve exchanged with friends over the past year. Here’s another chapter from The Outlook Diaries.

My younger sister was in Chicago, earlier this year, for a couple of months. She arrived in the peak of a bitter Chicago winter and stayed until the onset of spring. I flew down to Chi-town to help her settle in and perform my duties as an older brother (mostly because my mother guilted me into doing so). Vis-à-vis take her out shopping for a winter coat, boots, stock up her fridge etc. We spent about 3 hours in a Macy’s and she tried on dozens and dozens of coats. I could tell that we’re related because she ended up getting the one that isn’t the warmest, but was definitely the best looking. Because who cares if you’re freezing your butt off. It’s all worth it as long as you look great!

In addition to being the proud brother, turns out I also have a rather overprotective streak in me. Yesterday she didn’t answer my call for 2 hours. And my mind started playing out the worst case scenario for me! When I finally got through, a “boy” answers her phone. And I’m like whaaaat! In an instant, my voice changes to a nasty “who are you and why are you answering my baby sister’s phone.” Except that I didn’t really do that. However, my brain really does work in strange ways because this was my first thought:

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my sister go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Sadly (for me), I knew that it was a friend of hers answering her phone because she was in the bathroom. I imagine that it would have been a rather epic moment had I really said it!