2.75 hours ago: 9.15 am this morning

I’m running to the Path station. All groggy and wishing and hoping that I make my 10 o’clock meeting. I’m listening to Steven Tyler singing about some chick called Janie who has a gun and wants to shoot someone and I’m this close to embarking on a similar carnage [...]]]> Here’s why:

2.75 hours ago: 9.15 am this morning

I’m running to the Path station. All groggy and wishing and hoping that I make my 10 o’clock meeting. I’m listening to Steven Tyler singing about some chick called Janie who has a gun and wants to shoot someone and I’m this close to embarking on a similar carnage of my own not with a gun because I don’t own one and DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE I CAN GET ONE! Instead I’m going to use my index finger and poke people in the eye. Because I’ve had the suckiest morning ever. Like ever.

3 hours ago: 9 am this morning

The oh-so-familiar iPhone ringtone wakes me up and I’m greeted with D’s pretty face on the caller id. As I barely manage to mumble a hello, she’s all, “Uh, you still sleeping? Why aren’t you at work already?”. I ask her the time, and she goes, “Umm.. 9 o’clock.” And then all I remember is scurrying out of bed, connecting my gazzillion portable devices to their respective chargers, all the while listening to D yell at me for something I still have no clue about, gulping down milk that expired like 20 years ago coz it tastes like horse piss, I hop into the shower.

5 hours ago: 7 am this morning

I’m in deep sleep and surprisingly not dreaming about getting shot by gangsters or cops (you’d be surprised how often I have dreams where I get killed). And deep down in my subconscious, I wonder why my alarm isn’t ringing. Because it’s a goddamn bitch when I get up before my alarm rings and realize that I could have slept for another half hour and then realize that I can’t fall asleep because the sunlight seeping through the blinds is at the perfect angle to keep my eyes from closing and turning the other way wouldn’t help because my brain’s already seen the light! It’s like a tiger that’s tasted blood for the first time ever or that saying about going black. You just can’t go back. But I rationalize the thought by telling myself that since I can’t feel any sunlight falling on my eyes, the sun hasn’t risen yet, and hence I have plenty of time before I need to get up!

13 hours ago: 11 pm last night

After an interesting conversation with KB about love, life and other random crap, I go to bed all pleased with myself for being all awesomely productive through the day and having grabbed Boost by its testicles and taming the shit out of it. And I’m all, “Wait! The sun rises sooner now. I need to sleep properly. I should probably wear my eye patch sleep thingy before I go to bed.” So that’s exactly what I did.

26 hours ago: 6.45 am yesterday

WHY DOESN’T THIS ALARM STOP SNOOZING! WHY WON’T IT JUST LET ME SLEEP IN PEACE. And then I do what any awesome guy would do in my place. I turn the alarm off. No. Not just the snooze. Because that’s not enough awesome. I UNLOCK MY PHONE, NAVIGATE TO THE CLOCK MENU, AND DELETE THE DAILY ALARM FROM MY PHONE.

And since I’m not much of a praying guy, I’m putting this out here. On the interwebs. Because the universe will OBVIOUSLY Facebook stalk me when it finds out all the negative energy I’ve let out in the span of 3 hours today, and it’ll be all, “Who is this dude that’s been trash talking me?” And when it finds my blog, it’ll come visit and read this post, feel sorry and do all sorts of universy magic to make my life better like banning snooze buttons from alarm clocks and those eye patch sleep thingies that keep the damn sunlight out of my eyes and mislead me into mistaking day for night.

Sometimes when I miss my morning train into the city by a few seconds, my quant obsessed brain nearly goes completely anal trying to figure out how I could have made the train. Here are the top 10 reasons I feel [...]]]>

The Path train that countless working professionals take to get into the city every morning

Sometimes when I miss my morning train into the city by a few seconds, my quant obsessed brain nearly goes completely anal trying to figure out how I could have made the train. Here are the top 10 reasons I feel could help me shave those few precious seconds off the 7.5 minute walk from my building to the train station.

Oh, and before I start, I should add that, typically, I snooze my alarm for an average of 30 minutes before actually crawling out of bed.

• Oh God! I shouldn’t have snoozed the alarm again. It was supposed to be 2 more minutes. I closed my eyes and the next thing I know its 20 minutes later!
• This obsessive, compulsive need to begin my day with email and facebook is going to get me fired one day!
• Juju Chang is gorgeous!
• Note to self: iron clothes on the previous night!
• Okay, heating my lunch at 7 am is so retarded. I ain’t gonna eat it till noon. Its bound be an icicle by then!
• Boxers or briefs, boots or dress shoes, black or brown, polish them or not, reuse socks or get fresh ones. Decisions decisions!
• Ugh! I didn’t really need to shave today. The stubble wasn’t really noticeable!
• Why the hell did I need to check my mailbox in the morning. Its not like my bills are going to vanish if I don’t check it. Though I wish they did!
• Crap! Need to get a new metrocard today! Well, I had to get it any which ways, so this wasn’t going to help me save time in any case!

And my personal favorite:

• Dude! Get a grip! Chivalry is dead! That girl doesn’t care that you smiled at her, wished her good morning, held the door open for her and told her to have a great day!

By the time I’m halfway through this list (which is precisely 2 and a half minutes later), the next train to the city charges in. Time to get to work folks!